pain is comfort
by sandrilene lily potter
Summary: A small look into the life os Snape set in the OOP. R and R. Mostly Canon.


**Disclaimer:** The potter verse belongs to Ms. Rowling…

Pain is comfort.

The pain he felt upon moving was pushing further into the welcoming oblivion. He would not call for Hagrid's help; could not for fear of alerting Umbridge. The old toad monitored all whom she suspected would oppose her to stand by Dumbledore's side. Thank Merlin that his status as spy gave him the anonymity he needed. Well, slightly more freedom anyway.

Cursing Voldemort and cursing the order he sunk further into familiar comfort of pain. He grit his teeth and continued despite the added pain. There would be no Madam Pomfrey at the other end to administer any pain relief.

His only hope was to not run into any of the aurors the ministry had running about. Though mad eye had at least managed to ensure the aurors were all part of the order and therefore could be trusted if he ran into them or needed to pass on any useful information.

Though he himself would rather another round of crucio then to let them see him like this. See anything but the powerful old git he portrayed to all whom he knew. He would not allow them to see the man who suffered for them, bled for them. A man they all despised, tolerated only because of the word of Dumbledore…

Finally he reached the entrance to the passage he used, the tunnel connected to his private chamber. Thankfully a closely guarded secret the Hogwarts ground actually managed to hide.

Whispering the password and forcing himself to tap the required stones he opened the door. Having stretched on broken ribs for too long he blacked out inside the tunnel very quickly. Sinking into the blessed darkness. Where pain was all he felt, no emotion. Pain he could deal with. Pain he knew. Pain was comfort.

Sometime later he woke, standing he walked the rest of the way, staggering and counting the steps until he had only a few to go. Damp from mildew and clumsy from pain he stumbled into his private chamber cursing at the lack of grace and pain the movement caused him.

Too preoccupied to notice an addition to his room that would be most unwelcome had he known was there.

Tonks woke with a start when he entered the room. A noise most unlike her former professor came from him. A grunt with a tone she simply did not recognize. No matter she was here to give him a piece of mind. She let her anger and indignation rise she intended to give him a piece of her mind. The man had not informed them that he would be gone and was gone far longer then necessary. Opening her mouth she rose and turned to look at him and stopped. For she had seen a look of intense pain cross his face. One second, one breath, then another and another. Moments passed and then he finally realized she was there, the pain turned to the familiar look of anger. Anger which had always been directed at her in class then the order for her clumsiness and style returned yet fear did not make her shrink back. She became determined to know the source of his pain. Surely the blood she saw could not have come from the revel. Anger dissipated but curiosity aroused she slowly walked towards him.

That damn clumsy witch would not see him in pain. He summoned the energy to straighten up and then he fell. With a small whimper of pain he shouted that she leave him.

He could not understand why she came towards him instead. Levitating his almost inanimate body to his bed she looked at him with something akin to pity. He blacked out again then. Waking to have her bandaging his ribs. She had already attacked at everything else he felt.

She seemed to know not to say a word to him. Simply acting as if he was a simulacrum she had to work on for a training assignment. When she was finished he fell into an exhausted sleep. He did not know that she stayed with him then. Whispering words of comfort and hearing his mind scream at her. Letting her see some of the pain and horror he had had to endure. Didn't feel the tears she spilt over him.

Only felt the soft kiss she used to say goodbye in the morning. Felt the comfort of her arms leave his body and the pain start again. Pain a slytherin knew. Pain was the only comfort he had previously sought.

She had showed him a different form of it and it angered him. Angered him to know that pity made her touch him. Empathise with him. Angry that the beautiful woman would now know some of what he knew. She would not ever know what she saw held only the lightest memories he possessed. The need to show her something had been too great for him to resist.

Angered at the emotion he felt stir when she had left. When she had been there and most of all for the fact that he wanted to feel her lips on his again…

Finis.

Hope you enjoyed. Not a pairing I've ever really thought about before.


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